So. I meant to try and start Bloganuary the moment I found out about it. But, in my typical fashion, it’s been a few days for me to get around to it. And I’ve landed on a prompt that poses, to me, an utterly awful thing to contemplate:
“What is your favourite part about yourself?”
Now, I have come to the conclusion that… I don’t hate myself. Anymore. Not certainly as much as I used to. Took a lot of growing up and coming to terms with who I know myself to be before that stopped happening. Wasn’t an easy journey. But I’ve come pretty far, as I’ve from ravenous self-loathing to a more steady stream of discontent with myself. It’s not stellar progress but it’s progress nonetheless.
How then to begin to answer such a question, when I’m still at such a tentative phase of the journey?
I suppose, if I were to look at it logically (as I try to look at most things), I would find a starting point. A part of me that I have an answer for and work my way from there. Looking at it that way, I can rule out a few parts. My body, from top to bottom, I am not a fan. A rotting corpse is how I often refer to it. Or like a lasagna that’s been dropped and trodden on. Every part of me that is basically external, I can’t really find anything good. Knowing that this is not the best outlook, I have plans to make changes here, changes that will no doubt come over a period of years. But that won’t happen if I don’t start working on it.
In that regard, I look inwards, as there are at least a few parts there that I can probably at least tolerate.
I always seem to be described as ‘cheeky and quite funny’. I do enjoy making people crack a smile when I can. My sense of humour can range from cheeky to just downright filthy and inappropriate, which tends to present itself more based on the company at the present time. A sense of humour can work wonders, it can reveal in an instant who you’re going to click with and who you won’t. But it’s not my favourite part of myself, though it could be deserving of second place.
Running through all the options in my head, I would say that my favourite part of myself would be… I always try to do what’s right.
I stick by those I love, that’s the simple way of putting it. I will do what I can to support them. Whether it be an ear to listen to their stories, a friend to spend some time with, a sudden dash into the cold dead of night because someone took off without warning crying their eyes out. I try to do the best I can to do right in any given situation. It might be an odd thing to call a favourite part but after all the deliberation, I’d say this is as close as I can currently get.
I’ll be figuring out what exactly the inside of my head is all about for years to come, maybe more. Figuring myself out has been one of the banes of my existence since I can remember. But looking at more recent times, whilst my overall self-rating is alarmingly low, this part of me is one that I can smile about. It’s not a huge thing, it’s maybe not even relevant or important. But it’s something. And that’s better than where I was a decade ago.
That will do for now.
An Aspiring Aspie 